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Babbling Brooke

A lot to do, A lot to say

Breaking

Sometimes we all need to break.

Not a physical break, not a heartbreak, not the most common form of breaking. Just break. Our muscles get tired, our hearts get worn out, and our minds can never rest.

Breaking into a million pieces

I turned to you

in the dark of the night

you showed me some sort of light

but I lost it

I can’t find it

I feel shattered

broken by the world around me

but I will get up

I will not fall.

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Too Late

Why is it that with everything important in life, we’re too late.

I can’t show my boyfriend I love him until it’s too late.

Kids in school don’t realize how important their education is until it’s too late.

Every day and in every way, we are too late.

The world doesn’t stop. There are no breaks.

Right now, I need breaks. Everything in my life is changing and there is absolutely nothing I can do to change it. I am supposed to be leaving for Colorado next week, but my boyfriend and I are confused on if we are together or not anymore. I am moving in to my college dorm in three weeks, but before I move in to a new dorm, I have to move in to a new house! Yay!

Honestly, all but one of these things are really exciting! Moving to a new home, starting the rest of my life at a college that I love. I’m beyond exited really… but I have applied for many things and for some reason I’m just not good enough or don’t know until it’s too late.

I’m tired of it being too late. I’m tired of it not working out. I’m tired of losing people. Most of all I’m tired of who I’ve become, but it’s so hard to change who you are. I’ve done it once before, I’ve learned to love myself but this time it’s different.

College will be different. I won’t be too late. I wont feel wrong. I will be bold and confident. I will find my place.

 

Our Story

In my junior year of high school I was dating a boy for about a month and just really wasn’t in love… but I wanted to be. Deeply, completely, and overwhelmingly in love with someone. How beautiful does that sound?

Well, I decided the night before our homecoming dance that I did not want to be dating this boy anymore, so obviously I left him. I was a total douche bag for breaking up with him the night before homecoming. However, I knew damn well that I wouldn’t be happy having to introduce him to everyone and blah blah blah. I just wasn’t interested. The night that we broke up I had to perform at a football game. I was perfectly fine and went on as my goofy self.

Then this is where my fate set in. A super cute boy that I had been crushing on came up to me after I performed and told me how great I did. I had tried to get to know him the year prior but he was very obviously not interested in me. I then basically forgot about him and went on with my life… He then proceeded to ask me if he could dance with me at the dance the next day… of course I said yes! I thought about it the rest of the night. You know, like how cool you have to be when he walks up and asks for a dance, practice your cute smile and flip of your hair. I thought I had it all down… then it came to the dance.

I got there and a few other guys asked me to dance… of course I turned them down waiting for my prince charming to come and ask me for a dance. Finally, I had spotted him talking to one of his friends. My heart was racing and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. He started walking my way so my smart teenage self turned around to my friends to act like I hadn’t noticed him walking my way. He stood tall next to me, towering over me, and tapped me on the shoulder trying to get my attention. I turned around and smiled. We then began to dance, the way we moved together just felt right. We had the same rhythm.

So usually when a teenage dude asks you for a dance we wants one until a hotter girl shows up.. but he stayed with me. He stayed for the rest of the night. We danced and laughed and had the time of our lives. Then, a slow song played.

The song began and I was extremely nervous. I didn’t know if I was going to be awkward, or not be able to hold a conversation. I didn’t know how it was going to work out. Then, he looked right into my eyes and I melted. I felt the love that I had been wanting to feel. He felt so right. We danced, and we sang to the song playing. At one point I could tell he was going to lean in and kiss me… but that wasn’t the right place for our first kiss, not in front of a bunch of sweaty, horny, teenage kids. I turned my head away and pulled him closer. I wanted his heartbeat near mine, so he could feel the love that I was feeling.

Later that night I went home with my friends and was reflecting on the night. I was feeling thousands of emotions and I couldn’t get him out of my head. I thought it was just the night and we wouldn’t talk again… but then I received a text.

July 30th, 2016

Wowie! I know its been a while… well, longer than a while! Anyways, summer has been crazy and to the point where I completely forgot about my blog until now:’)  Having the blog be an assignment during the school year made things hard… but now I can write when and how much I please!

However, something on this blog will be changing. I have always wished I was better at keeping a journal, but struggle to enjoy handwriting because of my stupid “left-handedness.” The new change will be my titles will no longer be alliterations, but dates. Mostly dates so I can look back at my posts and rememer exactly when it was! Sorry to be so selfish, but I hope you enjoy!

Be back soon!

love, B

Continuing

To my readers,

The dear few… I will be continuing to blog, but not often, and not as long. I hope to provide more pictures, and more interesting stories rather than “clean” stories. I most likely will lose my filter on these upcoming blog posts, but this continuation of my blog, will be for my personal outlet.

I have learned a lot about blogging over the course of this year, and I have truly come to terms with it. I believe that by not having my blog be an assignment, I will enjoy and create more than before. I’m very grateful for what this year has taught me about myself through my blogs.

You, as readers, have endured the year with me. You went through rough times, and great accomplishments… I hope my upcoming year as a senior can bring more excitement and accomplishments than before.

For the readers who plan on staying on this site, my blog posts will be a little more me. For my senior year, I wanted to make my blog semi-like my personal journal. Sharing my experiences, problems, ideas and random thoughts with whomever sees my page. I understand that may be a little crazy and putting a lot of trust on the internet… but we’re all a little crazy sometimes. ALTHOUGH, don’t get me wrong here, I won’t be putting my location on blog posts, or personal names… nothing of that sort… I have to make you wonder about me somehow.

Also for my readers, I am questioning if I should keep my titles as alliterations or not… sometimes I feel the alliteration doesn’t leave much room for me to intrigue you as readers, or that it simply misses the final purpose to the blog post the title is being used for. Let me know your thoughts, if you’re reading this.

Another thought coming to my head, is that I don’t post many pictures.. I am thinking of adding a segment to this blog that works with my Instagram. For every picture I post on Instagram, I will post a blog telling you the story or the meaning or ANYTHING for my reasoning for posting my picture on Instagram… I will not, however, post the picture for there may be girls that I post on my Instagram that prefer not to be seen by my readers, and that is completely okay!

I hope you have enjoyed this year with me, and continue to read!

Brooke

Weight Work

I have been in the weight room, every other day for a couple months now, and I must say that it is different than expected.

Going into the weight room, I was expecting that a bunch of meat heads were going to judge me and tell me I shouldn’t be in there. COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! The boys in my class, and our instructor were amazing! They helped with max outs, they pushed me to be better, they believed in me when I didn’t think I could push myself any farther!

Creative Concepts

Adrian Furnham PhD, an organisational and applied psychologist, management expert and Professor of Psychology at University College London, posted on his blog, “A Sideways View”, about the common questions asked about creativity. He starts out his post by explaining why most scientists don’t spend their time trying to understand and answer the many questions about creativity. Within his first few paragraphs however, he asks the questions we are all thinking…

“Is creativity defined by a person, a product, a process or an environment? Can a person be creative without creating anything? If so, what are the personal characteristics of creative people? Can you have creative groups, rather than individuals, where somehow the group dynamic is the key to the creative process? Can you only really define creativity by the output of creative persons or groups? That is, creativity is best measured by tangible, agreed upon, outcomes.

Or is creativity a process? Is it the way painters sketch, writers scribble, sculptors carve, that makes them creative rather than some innate ability, drive or attitude? Or is it the environment that people or organisations engender that promotes creativity? Does one need funky murals, new age music, and a spirit of non-judgmental communication to be really creative?”

He then proceeds to ask the questions that a psychologist would ask,

“Is creativity…

An ability?
A stable (personality) trait?
A (mood) state?
A thinking style?”

When I read that question, it sparked thought. Maybe we are all able, but some would rather not open up the creative side and simply follow the rules. To follow that statement, have you ever noticed while doing a project for school, the people who strictly follow the rules? It’s all black and white, they have to be told everything to do in able to feel that their project will be acceptable. Then there are the people that come up with the coolest things and you totally question how that idea came to them! Those projects are always the best and the most inspiring… at least, to me. Anyways, within his next few paragraphs he discusses the psychological questions being asked. The discussion that caught my attention the most, was his words about creativity being a “state.” He asks, “Can it be induced by music, watching a film, even detecting a powerfully evocative smell?” I really enjoyed this question, but didn’t enjoy his answer. He begins to talk about drinking and how he alters your thinking, which allows for more creative “confessions.” He never once, however, thought about the people who are creative without drugs or alcohol. The actors who can’t practice drunk, the dancers who can’t move with alcohol in their system. I guess after these statements that leads to the question of “What is considered a creative activity?” I will leave that definition up to you!

You may be asking, “Can anybody be creative without alcohol/drugs in their system?”… but I completely believe we can. I am a dancer. I don’t drink. I don’t do drugs. I don’t enjoy the idea of those things but will never stop anyone from doing it. Anyways, as a dancer I feel that creativity is constantly being brought up. We have to choreograph dances. We have to come up with new ways to train our muscles. We have to enhance our minds by finding new inspiration. We are constantly thinking of ways to change or better ourselves. With that, comes creativity. Finding new, and FUN things to do to make our lives less hellish.

Overall I enjoyed Furnham’s post. However, I  wish that he would have gone into more detail within each topic. I felt while reading it that he was being vague or not answering the questions with as much mind power as he has. He does however bring very intriguing ideas and questions to the table which is what makes the post easier to get into.

“Big Magic”


I know, I know… I didn’t use an alliteration for this blog title but I promise it’s for a good cause. In my AP Lang class we are required to read a non-fiction book published in 2015 or 2016. Once we have finished the book we are to write a review/argument for or against what the author wrote.

“Big Magic” written by Elizabeth Gilbert who also wrote “Eat Pray Love.” Within her book, “Big Magic”, Gilbert discusses how to live a creative life without judgement, fear, or anything else you can imagine. She tells personal stories of finding her creativity, she also tells stories of when she was writing “Eat Pray Love” and how she wasn’t writing to help others but to write for her own clarity.

When I first looked at the book I was instantly intrigued. Being a dancer, I am always looking for creativity, or for a way to increase my creative thinking. Along with that, over the course of the last two years I have built up my self confidence. It took me a while to understand my confidence and how to build it. It also took me a while to believe that what I was doing was worth it, that me changing who I was would end with me being happier and healthier. Let me tell you one thing, if I had heard about this book while I was trying to change my life, things would have been way, way easier.

Beginning the book, I was excited and really into how she wrote. I felt a personal connection to her, both with the tone and diction but with her personal experiences. Then I came to a chapter of her book  that basically spoke the exact words that I use all of the time. She is a universal writer, anyone could pick up the book and understand what she is saying. I believe she chose to write this way so she could open up this broad idea, to a broad audience. You don’t even have to be a creative person, she discusses that as well. Along with discussing creativity she talks about fear. I completely agree with how she chooses to describe how we need fear to be creative. For if we didn’t have fear, we would all make stupid decisions and art wouldn’t be as beautiful and sacred as it is.

All I have to say is that I am thoroughly impressed by Elizabeth Gilbert and would love to finish out this book and read her others.

Merry Media

Social Media. A waste of time? The best thing to ever happen?

En mi opinion, social media isn’t completely useless, but isn’t completely necessary. Sure, it allows you to see things from people you would have never met in real life. It also allows for more insight to creative ideas. There are obviously some bad sides to social media as well. People are more bold and daring when they don’t have to see the reaction to the people they’re hurting. Social media gives us the opportunity as well, to create an ideal life that we wish we lived. With the occasional artsy picture or the outstanding selfie, we create an almost too good to be true life. “Picture perfect.”

I used to rely on checking my social media. It saved me from awkward confrontation and the feeling of being lonely. When I was bored, it was my savior. When I needed something to do, that was my go to. It used to be part of my nightly routine. Before I would let myself fall asleep, I would have to check my Snapchat, Instagram, and Twitter. I would let myself sit on the internet for almost an hour and then complain the next morning about not getting enough sleep. HA. How dumb of me. So recently I decided to delete my social media from my phone. Not delete the account, but the app from my homepage. For the first week I would laugh at myself constantly, I was always going to check my social media but I didn’t have any!:) It was only then that I started to realize how much time I had been wasting while checking my social media. After some thought, I was actually very upset with myself. Upset with our generation. We love social media, almost every picture we take has the purpose of being posted to a social cite.

This is not me telling you to delete your social media completely, or that I think we are a horrible generation, but I’m asking that you take a second to reconsider. Take note of how many times you are checking social media. Take note of when you are checking it… What is going on around you that is making you check your social media? Who is around you that brings you to staring at your screen? Once you’ve taken a second to consider all of the reasons you might be doing this, decide how it makes you feel.

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